How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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