i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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