He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
