everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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