Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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