I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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