So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
