There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
