I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
