Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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