hotel room ftw
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
