in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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