i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
