Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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