i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
