The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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