Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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