if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
