HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
