I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
