brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
high people should be assigned attendants
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
