turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
