I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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