Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
