i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize