You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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