I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
