so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize