I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
