I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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