help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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