Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
