If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
