If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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