You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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