Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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