Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
