Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
