she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
