The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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