my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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