I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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