i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
