ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Drunk walkin through police station. America
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
