so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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