well I can't set my house on fire every night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
