they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
