You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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