The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
