I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize