there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
