only if we run a train.
done.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
