stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
