I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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