You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
