Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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