I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
