Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
