Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
