so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
