Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
