well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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