things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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