I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
