Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
