the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
