If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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