I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
