if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize