What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
