I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize