After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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