bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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