So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
