Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize