Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
