anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
