Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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