I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
