i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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