I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
