literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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