i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
