Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
