He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
