Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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