Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
