I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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