There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
