i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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