Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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