She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
