You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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