The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
