you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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