yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
