What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
