i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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