I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
