Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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