Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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