I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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