omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
