If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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