Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just pee around me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
