you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this boner is exhausting
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
