in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
