Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
high people should be assigned attendants
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
