Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
