But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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